How About Them Saints?
by BeeCityz
Summary: ANIMAL LOVERS BEWARE! You will never look at lambs, German Shepherds, squirrels, or raccoons the same way again. Particularly the first two. Also, the Superbowl this past year was win. ;D AkuRoku; yaoi, shounen ai, lemonade, and fluff


"Bet?" The short, stout man behind the glass asked. He was balding and had liver spots, and the tight black and white striped shirt that he was wearing didn't compliment him at all. The redhead on the other side gave him a long, painfully obvious once-over and nodded.

"Team?"

"Saints."

The man whistled, and the redhead frowned. "Buddy, you must be a _real_ hopeful guy. Or stupid. Or both."

"I'm sorry, did I ask you what you thought of me? I don't think I did." The redhead's forehead creased with irritation, and he tapped his toe impatiently. "Aren't you going to ask me how much I want to bet?"

"Jeez, relax!" The small teller exclaimed, raising his eyebrows. "No need to be all snippy-snappy. If you're this freaked just bet on the Colts."

"Jesus _Christ_. I'm betting on the damned Saints, and I'm betting 500k. Yes, that is my final answer. Do you need my ID or something?"

"…Yeah."

The redhead reached into his wallet and pulled out his ID along with his American Express credit card, well aware that if he didn't win then it would be maxed to the umpteenth degree. He half considered apologizing to the guy, who now looked very pissed off, and walking away. However, he quickly decided that wasn't an option. Especially since it was Reno (and about four of Reno's friends) he was betting against.

"Axel Russo." The teller read off, looking down at the ID and the credit card. "I don't remember you. Is this your first time here?"

"I don't see how that's any of your business." Axel barked, practically snarling at the guy. "Are you finished yet?"

"Cool your jets, kid!" The teller (whose name was apparently Lenny, Axel just noticed the name tag) said, looking half shocked and half offended as he handed the two small, plastic cards back. "I ain't tryin' to hurt ya."

"Whatever." Axel grabbed the cards and stuffed them into his wallet, walking towards the stadium. Apprehension was tickling ever corner of his consciousness. The Saints had better win, or he would probably be going to sleep behind a dumpster before the week was out.

As he got closer he could see Reno, Xaldin, Xigbar, and Zack (seriously, what's up the 'z's?) all standing together, probably laughing about how stupid Axel was to bet on the Saints and how much money they were going to make off of him after this was all over. How on Earth, they were probably asking themselves, could the Saints win against the Colts? Well, that's just it, Axel. They can't.

"Hey kid!" Reno cried, slapping Axel on the shoulder and grinning like an idiot. "Did you bet?"

"Yes, Reno, I did." Axel replied, sighing.

"Ha-ha, that's a good boy!" The other, not-quite-as-tall redhead grinned at his friends, who were grinning back and looking at Axel like he was a bank and they were greedy robbers. "Now, let's go watch some football!"

--

"There is no freaking way this is real." Axel muttered, combing his hands through his hair. All five of them were leaning forward in anticipation, watching as the Saints ran and the Colts tried to tackle and they were all over the place and the announcers were going crazy and _oh my God they scored a touchdown! _

"YES!" The redhead screamed and jumped and threw his hands in the air, and his brother and his three friends moaned in irritation and disappointment. The Saints fans that had gathered to watch them play were going insane (Axel among them), screaming and shouting and hugging and kissing and all that fun stuff that you do when you're happy.

"What now, Reno?" Axel sneered, hopping from one foot to the other, doing his little victory dance. "What now? You losers owe me _two mil!_"

"Yeah okay, Axel. We got it." Reno said, glaring at his younger brother with a look of unconcealed disgust on his face. Xaldin and Xigbar both looked like they were about to cry, and Zack looked like he was too busy making out with the young blonde boy that had been sitting next to him to realize what was going on.

"No, I don't think you do." Axel said, grinning. "I win, you lose. Ha. Ha. Ha. Hey, let's get some drinks on you guys." He tossed his head back and laughed, throwing his arms up into the air. "Whoo! I'm covered for rent for the next ten years!"

"Axel, if you don't shut up I'm going to hit you." Xaldin threatened in his most low, dangerous voice.

"And if you do, I'll sue you and get even more money than you already owe me in damages. Now c'mon. You guys shouldn't be miserable or anything! It's the Super Bowl for Christ's sake! Let's go celebrate!"

Axel spun on his heel and waltzed himself out of the stadium, right up to short little Lenny, who only had about five customers at his window. Waiting in line? No problem. He had all the time in the world, and 2.5 million good reasons for it.

"Why, hello there Lenny." Axel sang when he approached the window. "Hey, I want to apologize for being so rude earlier. I was a little stressed out, y'know? But hey, think I can collect on that 500k?"

Lenny blinked and looked completely stunned for about a minute, hardly believing that this was the same person who had yelled at him earlier. "Um…could I see your ID, please? And would you like that in cash?"

"Yes you can, Lenny. And actually, I think I would like it wired straight to my bank account." He smiled and handed over his driver's license and bank card as Lenny nodded numbly, punching the numbers into the computer.

"Damn, kid." He finally muttered, looking at the balance on the receipt the machine had spit out, which now read $2,500,025.67. "You are one lucky son of a bitch."

"Why thank you Lenny. I'm flattered." Axel smiled and reached in, taking his cards and stuffing them back into his wallet and humming happily as he did so. "I think you're a very fine citizen yourself, and I also think that next year, it would be wise to bet on the underdog. Have a lovely day."

He turned around and walked back to the other four, three of whom were sulking at the exit. Zack, however, had his arms around that same blonde boy who's hair was a mass of unnaturally shaped triangles. He looked extremely happy and was more than happy to introduce Axel when he came over.

"Yo, man, this is Cloud. I mean, his name's like…" He glanced down at the boy, who muttered something so softly that Axel couldn't hear it, and nodded. "Well it's something Russian, but it means cloud. Isn't that _sick_?"

"Totally, man. Is he coming with us to get drinks?"

"Duh!" Reno turned and glared at Zack, who was completely oblivious to it, and scoffed.

"That's stupid. You just met the little prick. No way he's coming."

"Hey, man." Zack said, now on the defensive, returning the glare. "That's so not cool. And I don't care if I just met him. I'm out 500k too, remember? Cool your jets and have fun. Like your brother said, it's the Super Bowl."

"Jesus Christ…" Reno muttered, stalking away. "How the hell do I put up with you people?"

--

"Hnn…okay!" Axel cried out, thrusting his drink into the air and watching it waver slightly. "Next round's on me!"

The other four cheered, their drinks going into the air as well. Cloud looked nervously between all of them, clinging to Zack's shoulder for dear life. "Are you sure that's a good idea?" He whispered. "You're all kinda hammered."

"It's a _fine _idea!" Reno cried, brow furrowing. "You can never have too much to drink. Unless you drink too much."

At that they all burst out laughing, Axel standing up to order them another round, stumbling and falling into a nearby table. "Whoops." He muttered, snorting and erupting into another fit of laughter.

The scene around them was much the same: friends getting together to celebrate the recent, not to mention unexpected, victory of the Saints over the Colts in the long-standing American tradition of getting drunk. So far, Axel thought he and his brother and their friends were doing a pretty good job.

"Hey hot stuff." He slurred at the girl behind the bar who was wearing an insanely tight shirt that barely covered her insanely huge tits. "Wanna get me and my buds another round?"

She smiled at him warmly and he smiled drunkenly back, feeling himself getting hard already. "Of course, sweety." She said, grabbing five mugs off the counter behind her and filling them to the brim with whatever beer was readily available. "Anything else I can get you?"

"A blow job would be great, too." He said, completely serious. She giggled and her chest bounced very noticeably. Axel, in his intoxicated state, couldn't seem to make himself stop staring at them.

"Alright. Why don't you come talk to me after my shift so we can have some fun? Name's Amber."

"Amber. Got it." Axel nodded and carried the mugs back to the table, half of the alcohol in them slopping out before he even got there. He set them down and fell into his empty chair, holding his hand up to speak.

"Guys. Check this out."

They all glanced at him expectantly, eyes half lidded, letting out the occasional loud burp.

"That bar chick…uh…Alice, yeah, she totally wants me." He grinned sloppily and nodded, clicking his tongue. "I'm just that good."

"Oh, bro, she's totally hot." Reno said, nodding. "You should totally go for it. Totally."

"Yeah, man." Xigbar agreed, and Xaldin just nodded. They sat there in silence for a moment before Cloud sighed and tugged on Zack's sleeve.

"What?" Zack asked, sobering up a little. Still, his voice was thick and he smelled strongly of whiskey.

"We're leaving." Cloud answered, standing up.

"What? No, baby, no. We're not leaving yet. We still gotta finish our drinks." He tugged on Cloud's shirt forcefully and tried to pull him back down, but the blonde resisted.

"You're done with your drinks. Come on. Tell me where your apartment is so I can drive you home."

"But…"

"Nope, let's go." He looked around at the other four at the table, eyebrows raised. "What are you all just sitting there for? _Let's go_."

"Wait, wait, wait." Axel said, shaking his head and standing up. "We can go back, but there's one thing that I _have_ to do first."

With that he stumbled past Cloud and out of the bar, trying to find his truck amongst the mass of cars that all looked the same. Finally, he spotted the familiar candy apple and started towards it, walking (as best he could) around to the tailgate. Everyone was following him, watching expectantly.

"I plan to present and ode to the best football team there ever was." He announced, grabbing an old guitar out of the back and stumbling towards the park that was across the street. It was dark, and none of the streetlights on this side were in working condition. It took a few tries, but finally he found himself just past the tree line.

"Okay, ready guys?" When he heard no response, he turned to find that the candy apple red truck was gone, along with his brother and friends. He snorted indignantly and shook his head, strumming away nonetheless.

"Oh, New Orleans Saints…" He sang, sucking in a deep breath. "You're so good it makes me faints…I could screw your coach tonight…but me and his wife would get in a fight…"

"Will you shut the fuck up?" Someone yelled from deeper in the park. Axel opened his eyes to see who it was (when had he closed them again?) and noticed that there was a small fire roaring in the center of the park with about eight figures of various sizes all huddled around it.

"Who're you?" Axel slurred, stumbling forward.

"I should ask you the same thing." The man who was talking to him stepped forward, and immediately the redhead noticed one very distinct thing; he was dressed up as a raccoon. "Are you one of us?"  
"One of you…?" Axel asked. He looked over Raccoon Man's shoulder and noticed that the other figures had begun meandering toward each other and a few of them had actually begun…dry humping?

"Yes. I see that you're not wearing your fur…" The man sighed and shoved Axel's shoulder less than gently, pushing him away. "Unless you're dressed, you can't join. So I suggest you call your girlfriend or whatever and get a ride home, you drunk."

"I am not a drunk!" Axel protested, turning away and looking for the costume store that he knew was close by (seriously, how convenient is that?). "I wanna…I wanna…" He muttered, pushing the door open and hearing the bell clang with satisfaction.

"Can I help you?" The guy behind the counter asked. He sort of reminded Axel of Larry…oh, wait, no…his name was Lenny. "The bar's next door, in case your lost."

"No, no, no…" Axel answered, shaking his head and smiling. "I want a doggie suit."

"A dog costume?" The man asked. He glanced over towards the park and noticed the fire, which was now almost roaring, and shook his head. "Damn kids, going at it again…"

"Oh, are you talking about Raccoon Man?" Axel asked, raising his eyebrows. "He pushed me. It hurt."

"Whatever, kid. Is that going to be cash or credit?"

"Mm…credit." Axel said, giggling. He pulled out his credit card and slapped it down on the counter, making a 'whoosh' sound as the man rang up the cost.

"Alright. I'll be back with it in a second."

"Mkay." Axel nodded and looked around, noticing the clown costumes and masks, Nightmare on Elm Street masks, hokey masks…all of the typical stuff that you expected to find in a Halloween store. However, on the wall adjacent to where Axel was standing hung all sorts of fun toys, like leashes and vibrators and such.

"Oh…yummy." He muttered, giggling again. Then, just as promised, the man came back with a large German Shepherd costume.

"This should fit you. It's the biggest one I had. You're a pretty tall guy, so…it might be a little wide for you, but something makes me think you don't care."

Axel just smiled and shook his head, grabbing the suit and stumbling off toward the dressing room. "Thanks, Mr. Doggie!" He called over his shoulder, and when he turned around ran rather painfully into a large oak door.

--

The first one that he noticed was a little tiny lamb sitting all by himself (or herself) near the fire. He (or she) was watching a group of two squirrels and a wolf "mate," legs drawn up to his (or her) chest.

Axel stumbled over and landed on his knees beside the lamb with an 'oomph,' bending down so that he could look at this person's masked face. "Why are you all alone?" He asked, actually feeling kind of bad for this person.

The lamb shrugged, sighing. "I'm more of an observer than a participant."

"Oh, you poor thing." Axel muttered. He leaned forward and rubbed his large, German Shepherd nose on the lamb's shoulder. "I bet I can fix that."

"Um, no, it's okay." So, the lamb was definitely a guy. But hey, who cares? Axel had some serious wood from when he talked to Alice or Alex or whatever her name was, and _really_ needed it taken care of.

"Aw, c'mon." He fell forward onto the lamb, who gasped and then struggled vainly underneath the dead weight. Axel started giggling uncontrollably, placing his hands on either side of the lamb's head and getting up on his knees. "It'll be fun, right?"

"What the hell? I said no thanks." The lamb squirmed again, which Axel found unbelievably adorable, and made soft sounds as he tried to wiggle out from under the redhead.

"Aw, c'mon…" He murmured again, almost purred it. "You know you wouldn't have come to something like this unless you wanted to get some."

Without waiting for a response he lowered his hips and began grinding hard against the lamb, who immediately ceased all movement and gasped loudly. Axel took this as an invitation, as only one can do in their drunken state, and ground harder, which earned him a gentle moan from the boy below.

"You like that, don't you Little Lamb?" He asked, now huffing from the effort of moving his hips so hard so fast, and smiled. "Do you want more?"

"S…stop…" The lamb moaned, covering his costumed head with his arms and arching his back very softly off the ground. "Please…"

"…Alright." Axel stopped moving his hips and sat up straight, chest heaving. The lamb looked up at him from between his arms and started to scoot away when Axel reached down, grabbed him by his incredibly small waist, and flipped him over so that his stomach was to the ground.

The lamb gasped again and tried to wriggle away, but to no avail. Axel held him sturdily, and quickly began grinding against the lamb from the back. His erection just grew harder and harder, and at some point it quickly became so painful that he couldn't think of anything but release.

The lamb was moaning beneath him, and Axel quickly decided that there was no way he was going to get off on just grinding. He stopped for a brief moment and adjusted his position to suit his new plan.

Underneath him, the lamb whimpered at the loss of contact, but it was short-lived. Axel began thrusting his clothed dick against the lamb's clothed hole, not really used to giving it up the ass but totally going with it anyway.

In response to the new stimulant the lamb moaned loudly, his body twisting and curling under this person that he had just met. Axel groaned as he received this new pleasure, craving the tight hotness that he knew awaited inside the lamb. But wasn't that against the rules or something?

He glanced around quickly at noticed that among all of the participants no actual penetration was taking place. Everyone was just dry humping everyone else, and the number of members had gone up from about eight to about eighteen.

"Hnn…" He turned his attention back downward as the lamb started up his moaning again, sucking in deep breaths and whimpering adorably.

"Almost…" Axel gasped, thrusting harder and moaning as he did so. However, he barely even matched the volume of the lamb's, who was practically screaming in ecstasy.

"Finish me…" He whimpered. "For the love of God, finish me."

Axel reached around and found the lamb's erection fairly easily, and with one of his huge paws started rubbing it as hard as he was thrusting, gasping in surprise as the lamb came into the costume.

--

"Dude, I have a killer migraine." Reno moaned, trudging into Axel's room and plopping down on the bed. "Wake up and make me breakfast."

"No way in hell, asshole." Axel replied, burying his face deeper in his pillow. "I was way more hammered than you were, so just try to imagine how I feel."

"God, you're such a damn freeloader."

"You're the one that's crashing in my apartment!" Axel yelled, hitting his brother less than gently on the shoulder. "Now get out of my room."

"Hey, what's this?" Reno muttered.

"Don't change the subject!"

"Ro-xas Du-Pont." Reno read, raising his eyebrows. "Home is area code six-oh-seven, nine-three-six, forty-one, twenty-two."

Axel's head snapped up and he snatched the piece of paper away before Reno had a chance to ready any more. "It's just some paper I found in my pocket this morning when I decided to get up off the floor and lay in my bed."

"Are you going to go to the address that's on it?" Reno asked, raising his eyebrows. "Did you hook up last night, little bro?"

"Shut up, dick." Axel barked. The truth was, he didn't remember anything past the strange exhilaration of knowing that he had just over 2.5 million dollars tucked safely away in his bank account. "Get the hell out of my room."

"Aww, is little Axel finally--"

"Get the hell out!"

--

"Excuse me."

The blonde looked up from his desk and papers to find a tall redhead standing in the doorway to his office and smiled invitingly, cocking his head to the side. "Hello. Can I help you?"

"Um…I'm not sure." The redhead stepped a few more paces in and cracked the knuckles of a hand that was hidden in his pocket, looking the blonde straight in the eye.

"Well, do you need help with something?"

"Not…not the something that you're thinking of." The redhead came the rest of the way in and sat down in one of the comfortable leather chairs, and the blonde clicked his pen shut and folded his hands underneath his chin.

"I'm sorry, but I'm not really sure why you came here."

"Okay, doctor…uh…DuPont." Axel said, closing his eyes. "I'm not in need of…"

"Sexual therapy." The blonde finished, raising his eyebrows. "I'm a sexual therapist."

"Right. But…I woke up today, and…" He pulled the piece of paper out of his pocket and looked at it for a few moments before he handed it across the desk to the doctor, who took it at looked at it.

After a few moments of examination he smiled up at the redhead and folded the paper in his hand, eyebrows raised. "And?"

"I…was kind of hoping you could fill in the blanks." The redhead replied nervously. "My name is Ax--"

"I know who you are, Axel." The blonde stood up and walked over to the open door to his office, shutting it softly, lingering beneath the threshold for a while. "What do you remember from last night?"

Axel blinked and registered this information for a moment before he started recalling exactly what had happened. "Well, after the Saints won the Super Bowl, I went out to get drinks with my brother and a bunch of his friends, and then I got seriously hammered…I remember being in the park at some point in the evening…"

"Would you allow me to help you jog your memory?" Roxas asked from behind him. Axel snorted and didn't bother turning around, nodding.

"Hell yes. Do whatever you need to do."

Next thing he knew, the small blonde doctor was on top of him, straddling his lap, holding the collar of his shirt firmly. Axel blinked and leaned back, clearing his throat, holding his hands up.

"Sorry, but I don't swing tha--"

He was cut off when Roxas placed a hard, demanding kiss on his lips, wasting no time slipping his tongue inside the redhead's mouth and sliding his arms around his neck. Axel, however, quickly pushed him away, half shocked and half disgusted.

"Um, dude. What the hell?"

"You don't remember anything?" The blonde asked, his eyes searching Axel's furtively. "Nothing at all?"

"Um…" Axel thought about the previous night, getting drunk, wandering into the park… "Oh, wait."

"Something?" Roxas asked, face lighting up like the fourth of July.

"Wait…" Axel thought about his drunken serenading, seeing the people…the costume shop… "Oh."

"Oh?"

"_Oh._" Axel blinked and gave Roxas a once-over, the previous night's events coming to him in a rush memory of passionate kisses just outside the park, warm embraces as the redhead held the other boy against a tree, vividly recalling Roxas's legs wrapped around his waist.

"…Yes." Roxas muttered softly, smiling. "Oh."

Axel cleared his throat and thought for a minute. Thought about the pretty barista at the bar with the huge boobs, thought about his brother and his serious homophobia…thought about Roxas's soft lips pressed against his own, and the immediate chemistry he felt when he saw Roxas's face in the first sober moment that he'd had all night.

"Well," Axel murmured, and slipped his arms around the blonde's waist, leaning forward, nuzzling his neck with twice the affection that he had the night before. "Where did we leave off?"

Roxas giggled and pressed his face in Axel's hair, arms still around the redhead's neck, breathing him in deeply. "Well, I believe you were about to explain to me why you thought that sex with men was so much better than sex with women, even though you've never had actual sex with a man."

"And…?"

"…and I believe I was about to prove your theory correct." Roxas held Axel a little tighter and pressed their bodies close, enjoying the other male's warmth. "And then perhaps cuddle for a few hours, wake up, and kiss you good morning."

"Mm…sounds good." Axel murmured, kissing Roxas's neck softly and hugging his back. "But tell me, how exactly does gay sex work?"

"Hmm…perhaps you are in need of a demonstration?" Roxas giggled and titled Axel's face upward, looking at him in the eyes.

"I believe I am." They both grinned, and Axel leaned up, pecking the blonde on the cheek, starting on the button of his jeans.

* * *

**A/N:** What? I'm alive? And I'm writing still? IT MUST BE THE APOCALYPSE!

I know, I know, I haven't written anything in forever. Well, here it is. I know the lemon isn't really lemon (it's more like lemonade) but dangit, this has been floating around in my head forever and I just had to get it down.

That, and I owe Naive-Symphony a request, and this is it. ;D I hope you enjoy, darlin'! Sorry it took so long. But yes. There's this one...oh! And one more thing. You know those ideas that I gave you guys a while ago? Yeah, well there's a little bit of a problem.

The one where Roxas is a sex slave? Yeah, well it's tied with the one where Axel is Roxy's step dad. So we're going to need a tie breaker. xD Lemme know what you guys think so that I can get a start on it! I'm really eager to start either one or the other.

I miss you guys! Have fun reviewing this! ;D

~Sara


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